Family

And while I’m at it…

February 12, 2010 by Vanessa Leave a Comment

Here are the top 10 reasons why I love Olivia (other than the fact that I gave birth to her)…

10) She was born already furrowing her brow like her mama.

9) She absolutely loves being held and would be content to be in my arms all day (a blessing and curse).

8) When she sleeps she crosses her legs at the ankles. It just looks really cute.

7) Her cheeks are so big that she has jowls.

6) She has started doing this new thing while she is latched on and eating, if she hears any noise she yanks herself off and stares at whatever is making the noise until it stops. That includes me talking while I’m feeding her. She just looks so funny.

5) She loves to stand up and she flails her feet around and looks like she is dancing a jig.

4) She loves to watch football with her dad. Seriously, she loves football. When the commercials come on she couldn’t be more disinterested but the second the game is on she is glued to the TV.

3) She has the cutest pout-y face you’ve ever seen. When that lower lip sticks out it melts your heart.

2) Her favorite time to talk is when I am trying to get her to sleep. I’ll hold a pacifier in her mouth and she’ll be blabbing away.

1) I love spending time with her. I love being at home with her. Last week I helped out at a high school retreat for a few hours and, while that was fun and nice to see my old students, I really missed the little squeaker.

Thank God for Olivia.

Happy Valentine’s Day

February 12, 2010 by Vanessa Leave a Comment

I am by nature a very naggy person. I think it’s a by product of being a Mexican woman and coming from a long line of naggers. Poor Brandon, he gets the brunt of it, mostly because there is no one else to nag. I am constantly nagging him to do things and then when he does them, then I nag that he didn’t do it right. I am aware of this ridiculous and annoying habit so I really do try my best to curb it as much as possible. I know I still do it plenty though. It is so easy to be negative and just look at all the annoying things that Brandon does or doesn’t do. Especially now that I’m home all the time, I get all day to think about it. I have really started to put effort into not being a jerk and being a supportive and loving wife. I hate it that sometimes I make Brandon feel like a screw up. Sure he doesn’t really know how to clean the bathroom and his closet is always a mess but does that really make a bad husband? No. Am I a bad wife for not understanding (or really caring about) the difference between Windows and Ubuntu? I sure do hope not because then I’m just up a creek. He is truly a fantastic and loving husband and I am so amazingly lucky to be married to him.

So, because I don’t say it all the time, here are the top 10 reasons I love my husband…

10) Especially when I was pregnant, buts still now, he is always willing to go out and get me anything I want at any time of day. When we’re sitting and vegging out late at night and I mention I’m craving ice cream, he immediately asks if I want him to go get some for me. And he really means it.

9) He always, always takes my clothing or hair advice without question. He just trusts me when it comes to this.

8) He knows how to do anything tech/computer related. It’s awesome to never have to worry about figuring any of that stuff out. If Brandon doesn’t know how to do it, he will spend days figuring it out if he has to.

7) He will dance ridiculously, and I mean really ridiculously, just to bring a smile to Olivia’s face.

6) He will make up songs that aren’t to any tune in existence all the time.

5) I have cooked some pretty awful food since we started dating and he eats two helpings without complaining to prove that he liked it even though I knew it was barely edible.

4) He gets super excited when I show even the slightest of interest in anything technology related. You should have seen him when I told him I wanted to start a blog.

3) He loves transportation and can’t wait to drive on new roads/tollroads as soon as they open.

2) Him and my dad try one up each other by eating the hottest (spiciest) food they can find.

1) He never complained when I made him chaperone high school dances because he is always so supportive of anything I do.

He is my husband and my best friend. As much as he drives me crazy, I love him dearly and can’t imagine my life any other way. Happy Valentine’s Day, honey.

Advice: Makes Life Easier or Harder?

February 11, 2010 by Vanessa Leave a Comment

Image by (Mo) via Flickr

You cut her hair already? That is going to give her a speech delay.

If you don’t do something about those dry spots, she’s going to have eczema forever. It’ll never go away.

You fed her carrots? I think there is something about feeding a baby orange foods that is dangerous.

If you hold her all the time she’s going to be a spoiled brat.

Oh, you’re using cloth diapers? You’ll change.

Sometimes I feel like I am going to scream if someone offers me another piece of unwanted advice. I don’t mind well-intentioned advice of someone really wanting to help you out. I hate the kind that is just veiled criticism. “Oh, you named your daughter Olivia? That means she is going to be dyslexic.” Ok, I haven’t actually heard that one, but you get the point.

Now, I am all for being educated about baby development and basic child care and stuff but isn’t there something to be said for a mother’s natural intuition to care for her child? Every piece of advice I hear has it’s exact opposite counterpart somewhere in the community. You should co-sleep. Co-sleeping is dangerous. You should let your baby cry in their crib until they put themselves to sleep. Letting your baby cry it out means they will become isolated and depressed. You shouldn’t eat foods that might make the baby gassy. You should eat a wide variety of foods so the baby doesn’t develop allergies. Seriously, every opinion about how to raise a child has valid and logical arguments on both sides. So why is it so freakin’ hard to just trust your gut and do what feels right?

I heard of a mom that had to give her 6 month old babies cow’s milk
because she couldn’t breastfeed them and they couldn’t afford formula.
The pediatrician told her that he was “disappointed” that she would do this. (Kids aren’t supposed to get cow’s milk until 12 months) After that, the mom just
lied to the doctor about what she was feeding them and the doctor would tell her that her kids were thriving. Maybe she shouldn’t have given them milk but she had to do what she had
to do and the kids survived. It’s not like they grew a third arm or
anything.

When Olivia was born I started reading baby books to teach me how to take care of her. It is true that I found a lot of helpful things in these books like ideas for games to play with her, how to tell when she is teething, stuff like that. I also found things that have kept me up at night worrying. The worst one: (I’m paraphrasing) “Your newborn will grow up feeling isolated and not trusting you if you let them cry.” Holy cow. This stupid sentence made Olivia’s first couple months of life very stressful for me. O was super high maintenance since the moment she was born and would scream if you put her down for one second. She just wouldn’t let us put her down. Every time she cried I thought I was losing her and that she was going to grow up to hate me. I spent that first month practically starved because I was scared to put her down to make lunch. There were days when I couldn’t even brush my teeth until Brandon came home from work because she would cry if I put her in her swing for a second. My better judgment knew that I love my daughter and would naturally meet her needs but I just couldn’t shake what I had read in that book.

Another one: “When your baby is quiet but alert, this is the optimal time to learn so don’t just stick her in front of a stuffed animal. Use these times constructively.” This led to 3am play times when Olivia was wide awake and I didn’t want to miss an opportunity to teach her something because she was in her prime learning mood. My body was telling me to keep the lights off and sit in the rocking chair with her until she fell asleep again (which is what I should have done) instead of stressing that I was impeding her learning.

Ok, so maybe I was totally overreacting to these statements but as a sleep-deprived new parent, what was I supposed to think? Both statements, after 5 months of parenting, I have realized are just trying to tell you that you shouldn’t just let your newborn cry and cry because you feel like giving yourself a manicure and that you should actually interact with your baby and not just plop them down in front of Baby Einsteins all day.

Parenthood is moderation. I wish someone had told me that it was ok to put the baby down so I could pour a quick bowl of cereal or take a quick shower. You gotta do what keeps you sane.

Plenty of people have very lovingly given me great advice that has saved me at moments when I thought I was going to lose it. Still, I think the best thing that I have yet to hear was when we were talking to the pediatrician at Olivia’s 2 month checkup. We were telling her that O didn’t let us put her down to sleep. We had literally tried every trick in the book and I still had to sit on the couch propped up by pillows with Olivia in my arms so that I could get a few hours sleep. The doctor just looked at us and said, “Well, sounds like you have a high maintenance baby.”

That sentence sent a wave of relief through my body. I just needed someone to affirm that O was being a stinker and that what we were facing was legitimately a challenge. We just needed someone to make us feel like what we thought was hard was actually hard and not us being inexperienced and stupid. I think all parents just want affirmation that what they’re doing is loving their child the best they can.

So in the end, what does me complaining about people giving advice make me want to do? Give advice.

It’ll be better when…

February 10, 2010 by Vanessa Leave a Comment

Image by bitzcelt via Flickr

I feel like I always am telling myself, “It’ll be better when blah blah blah.” I remember thinking in high school – life will be easier when these college apps are done. In college – life will be better when I finally finish this paper. In Houston – Our relationship will be stronger when I move to Austin. In Austin – It’ll be better when we are engaged. Engaged – Life will slow down as soon as the wedding is over. Married – Our relationship will be better once I get this first year of teaching under my belt. Pregnant – I’ll feel so much better after the baby’s born and no more nausea and restlessness.

Then Olivia was born and I caught myself doing the same thing. Having a baby is wonderful and has added so much meaning to our lives but absolutely everything is different and, honestly, more complicated. Sleeping is harder, running to the groceries for milk is harder, going to a restaurant is harder, taking a shower is harder, cooking is harder, cleaning is harder, everything is harder. The first months of O’s life I remember thinking, ok, sleeping will better when…no, sleeping will never be the same again. It’ll never be “easy” again.

I can’t keep thinking things will get better or easier because there is always going to be something challenging in life. O has really taught me to enjoy things in the moment because there is plenty to be thankful about at present. Sure things aren’t perfect but I can’t keep expecting perfect to come around the corner. Life is pretty darn wonderful not being perfect. Olivia is the absolute most difficult and challenging thing that has happened to us but me and Kraft are constantly talking about how meaningful our life seems now. Cliche, I know, but she really does give us direction and purpose. We had direction and purpose before but it was easy to get lazy and put things off.

So here’s to things being the best they can be now and living in the challenge.

Comedy of Errors

February 7, 2010 by Vanessa 1 Comment

Today was just one of those ridiculous days where nothing comes out right. We had a lot on our plate today: Mass, a baptism and reception to attend, and a Super Bowl party (Kraft’s account of party). In order for all of this to go to plan, we had to go to the 9am Mass at St. John Neumann. I set my alarm for 7am, it went off just fine and I woke Brandon up to take a shower and from here on out was Miscommunication Central. Brandon says he tried to wake me up several times and that I even hit him and told him to leave me alone, but I don’t remember this (communication error #1). All I know is I woke up at 8:15 freaking out because we needed to be out the door in 15 minutes. I yell at Brandon for a second, throw O’s outfit for the day on the bed and race around getting ready.

We are driving to St. John Neumann and we’re not sure where it is. Brandon is trying to hurry since we are running late but as we approach where we think it is I tell Brandon to slow down but instead he floors it. I yell and point to the entrance as I spot it and Brandon slams on the brakes and whips into the parking lot. He heard me say speed up to make the light instead of slow down because it’s coming up (communication error #2).

We finally make it to Mass and I’d have to say, I was surprised at how the church is very non-family friendly in architecture. Mass was celebrated in the Family Center and there were a lot of kids at that Mass. Aisles are very thin and the place was packed, no real place to go if a baby is crying except outside in the cold. Bathroom does have a changing table but no seat to breastfeed. I digress. We make it through Mass without much fanfare and the baptism is right afterwards. As the baptism starts Olivia melts down and is starving. I wander around trying to figure out where to feed her since the car is a half-mile away. The sacristy is open and I honestly consider it for a second and then think of the surprised face of anyone walking in there. So I go to the bathroom and am able to figure out how to feed her in a bathroom stall standing up. Seriously, I should get a medal for pulling this off.

We get back to the main church and the baptism is over. We missed it. Bummer, OK, off to the reception. Brandon has gotten directions, check. Driving, following directions, get lost, can’t find it, drive around same block for 15 mins(miscommunication #3). Finally find the place, get there, no more seats. At this point we’re so tired, we don’t put up much of a fight but they do get some more seats and tables out to seat us and other guests. We actually end up sitting with this really funny group of people that keep us laughing the whole time. We really have a wonderful time. The day started to turn around at this point.

It’s weird how days like this, rather than drive me crazy, make me love Kraft even more. You can’t really do anything but laugh and make the best of it. Thank God for days like this.

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