Reflections

We have some good friends that have recently decided to pursue an job opportunity far from Austin.  It is a great, great opportunity for them but we are so sad to see them go.  They will be missed dearly. 

When they were trying to decide whether or not to take it they told me that usually they know the right decision to make is the more uncomfortable one.  I believe that statement holds so much wisdom.

It reminded me of a prayer that I wrote in my journal years ago…

Prayer of Sir Francis Drake:

Disturb us, Lord, when We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

Amen, brother.

The Easter season is 50 days long so I don’t feel too bad writing this post so late. 

I did not do a good job this Lent.  The only Lenten resolution that I actually sorta stuck to was giving up sweets Mondays through Thursdays.  Lame, I know.  During my pregnancy I really indulged in sweets.  Probably because I couldn’t drink.  I got into a really bad habit of eating lots of cookies, candies, you name it.  So for Lent I really wanted to start treating my body better and get back to a healthier me.  I want to treat my body like the temple that God made it to be and not like a black hole for desserts.

Some of my other aspirations for Lent was to try to be less critical of Kraft and try to be a better, more patient mother.  The Holy Spirit is really awesome.  Me just aspiring to this was enough to let the Holy Spirit in and change me even though I myself wasn’t working too hard on changing.  That is the amazing thing about Lent, even when I don’t really succeed at my end of the deal, God always holds up His end of the deal. 

When Easter came I really felt that I had improved as a wife and a mother.  O and I have really fallen into a good routine and I don’t feel her to be as burdensome as I used to feel.  Of course I love my baby and don’t see her as a burden but on really hard days, the weight was pretty heavy.  Those hard days that used to be pretty prevalent are much fewer now.  I feel like I have finally hit my stride in motherhood.  I can navigate around with O much better.  I know how to grocery shop with her, walk around Target, do laundry, go for walks, do work around the house.  Cooking with her is still extremely difficult but all in all I feel an ease to life now that was not there before.  Thank you dear sweet Jesus.

As far as being a better wife.  Well, I guess the real test would be to ask Kraft if he thinks I’ve become more patient and understanding but as far as I’m concerned, I think I have.  Instead of getting mad at Kraft for not doing certain things, I’ve just tried to figure things out on my own.  Kraft’s schedule is pretty busy and different day to day, so instead of depending on him to help me, I’ve just sucked it up and tried to figure it out on my own with O in tow.  I realized I can’t just wait for her to be asleep or for Kraft to be watching her so that I can do everything that I need to do.  I need to learn how to go about my day and my work with her at my side.  I needed to realize that life can’t just stop because I have to hold a baby all day.  Life has to continue and I have to figure it out.  It’s still not perfect but it’s better.

Without even noticing or working too hard at it, the Holy Spirit has made me better this Lenten season.  Thankfully God is much more faithful to our deals than I am.

I am so happy that the USCCB issued this statement about Obama’s executive order.  I think they said exactly what needed to be said.  Here are the cliff notes that I felt laid my concerns in my previous post to rest:

1) The Church has always and will always call for “reform of our health care system so that all may have
access to the care that recognizes and affirms their human dignity.”

Universal health care is good.  It is not Communism.

2) They “applaud the effort to expand health care for all”. 

While they may not agree with everything in the bill, I’m glad they at least recognize that this a step toward something that benefits the common good.

3) The reason they have opposed the bill is because “the statute appropriates billions of dollars in new funding without
explicitly prohibiting the use of these funds for abortion, and it
provides federal subsidies for health plans covering elective abortions.”

This is a fair point.  Congress is asking us to trust them that the funds will not go to abortions when there is not specific language in the bill saying this.  I can see how the bishops would be weary of these promises.

4) The bishops “share fully the admirable intention of President Obama expressed in his
pending Executive Order, where he states, ‘it is necessary to establish
an adequate enforcement mechanism to ensure that Federal funds are not
used for abortion services.’

Also fair point.  Obama saying that an “adequate enforcement mechanism” should be established to make sure funds aren’t used for abortion means that there is nothing like this in place nor does it give a plan how to put one in place.

5) But they “do not understand how an Executive Order, no matter how well intentioned, can substitute for statutory provisions.”

Point taken.  We would all rest easier if the wording was just put in the bill.

6) The USCCB states that they and “many others will follow the government’s implementation of
health care reform and will work to ensure that Congress and the
Administration live up to the claims that have contributed to its
passage.”

Basically, we’ve got our eye on you, Obama and Congress.  We pray that they live up to these promises.

7) “As bishops, we wish to recognize the principled actions of the pro-life
Members of Congress from both parties, in the House and the Senate, who
have worked courageously to create legislation that respects the
principles outlined above. They have often been vilified and have
worked against great odds.”

Thank you for saying this bishops.  It cannot be easy to work in politics.  Especially pro-life democrats have been “vilified” and I’m glad that the USCCB has recognized that.

I’m glad that the bishops came through.  While I know they bishops were not responding to me, they answered my questions.

Thanks Mr. K for sending me this link.

The Health Care Reform Bill.  I will be the first one to admit that I don’t know much about politics.  The following things are more interesting to me than politics: the cell division and multiplication of fungi in stagnate water in southeast Texas, watching paint dry, learning the theory behind actuarial science, the mating ritual of some extinct frog that only existed in New Zealand.  You get the point.  I have tried countless times to keep up with bills that are trying to be passed, candidates running for election, city council stuff.  I just can’t do it.  I even have tried to subscribe to newsletters that dumb it down and simplify all this political stuff but I still can’t seem to wrap my head around it.

That being said, sometimes issues come along that are big enough to even catch my interest, ie. the Health Care Reform Bill.

Our health care system is crazy messed up.  It is too hard and too expensive for people to access health care.  I worked at a clinic that served undocumented immigrants.  They have no way of getting health care unless they are pregnant or literally on their death bed but they have all the same medical problems that citizens have.  I know this bill won’t help undocumented immigrants but I’m sure American citizens living in poverty struggle with the same inability to access affordable health care.  These people have diabetes, cancer, heart problems, high cholesterol, thyroid problems, allergies, and life-threatening diseases, too.  Even if you find a doctor that is somewhat inexpensive to see, the meds that people need are so expensive.  Sure the hospital has to care for people if they go to the emergency room but they are not taken seriously at all.  I’ve seen people discharged from the hospitals after amputations with no pain meds.  I’ve met a women who literally had cancer growing out of her side discharged with no medical plan for Hospice or anything.  If you don’t have insurance, you’re just screwed.

Our health care system sucks.  I was very surprised to find that the USCCB is not in support of the HCR bill because of two points outlined by Cardinal DiNardo in a letter to Reps.  The first point is that the bill allows federal funding to be used for elective abortions (which has been answered with Obama’s executive order).  The second is that the bill does not help give legal immigrants universal health care but rather makes them wait five years to receive Medicaid.  Has anyone even heard of the second point?  No, because the pro-life lobby has decided that abortion is the end all be all of the Catholic conscience.

I have always and still do trust the wisdom of the Church.  I believe that bishops have been given this authority to guide their flock.  But I can’t quite understand where the disconnect happened with the USCCB.  Around election time back in November, the USCCB kept saying that we cannot be single issue voters.  We cannot vote Republican just based on the abortion issue.  We have to take all issues into account and make a decision.  But now the USCCB is saying that we cannot support the HCR bill because it does not specifically uphold the Hyde Amendment?  This seems to be going against what they had previously told us.  So we should completely discredit a bill that would help 30 million people receive health care?  I just do not understand their reasoning.

I don’t pretend to know all the ins and outs of Obama’s reform but why not give it a shot.  At least he’s trying to do something.  At least he’s not just throwing his hands in the air and saying, “This is messed up but it’s too complicated to fix.”  At least there is a plan to make it better.  Why not try.

I’m all for trusting our bishops and following their shepherding but I’m really tired of bishops and priests implying that we are bad Catholics if we are not Republicans.  Abortion is a HUGE issue, I agree.  I believe that abortion should be abolished as much as the next pro-lifer but am I really a bad Catholic if I think that this bill is a good thing?  Can we really look at politics in such a black and white manner?  Oh, the HCR would put into action the Preferential Option for the Poor but if there is not explicit wording against abortion then we have to scrap the whole thing. 

The pro-life lobby is clamoring that the Hyde Amendment wording be put into the bill or it shouldn’t be approved.  But if we are going to continue on this totally uncompromising train of thought then shouldn’t they want even more than the Hyde Amendment?  The Hyde Amendment still allows for abortion in cases of rape, incest, and mother endangerment.  The Church believes that abortion is never ok, even in these cases (of course these cases would require plenty of support and counseling and pastoral care).  But why stop there, let’s not support health care reform if it pays for birth control which is also against Church teaching?  Or if it pays for Viagara prescriptions?  Or if it pays for the MMR and chickenpox vaccines because these vaccines were developed from fetuses?  Can we really play this all or nothing game with politics?  Then we could never vote for anyone or anything.  Neither party perfectly upholds Catholic morals.  So who got to decide that abortion would decide everything?   

Even after all this criticism, Obama has issued an executive order upholding the Hyde Amendment.  But the pro-life lobby is still not happy saying that an executive order is useless.  But of course these are the same people that applauded Bush for his executive order limiting stem cell research.

Obama is holding up his end of the deal.  He said from the beginning that he is open to conversation and that he is keeping an open mind in these discussions regarding abortion.  This is him giving a little.  Can’t we give a little and give him the benefit of the doubt?   

Seriously something has to be done about health care.  Enough talking.  Our system needs to be shaken up.  Time for action.

I really love the Church and know that the Holy Spirit works through its leaders.  I especially have the utmost respect for Cardinal DiNardo who I believe is a good, good man and a good shepherd.  But really, I don’t understand this.

God help us.

Here are some more interesting articles I’ve come across:
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/postpartisan/2010/03/in_defense_of_bart_stupak.html
http://www.commonwealmagazine.org/crying-wolf

 

I’ve been trying to figure out the idea of complementarity for a while now.  I first really started to try and figure this out when I was studying JPII’s Theology of the Body in college.  Understanding this idea of men and women complementing each other is especially important to understanding the Church’s teaching about gay marriage. 

I believe in the idea of complementarity but I don’t quite understand it in a concrete sense.  Any time I’ve heard someone try to explain it, it seems that the traits they assign to men and women are stereotypical.  Like women are nurturing and caring blah, blah, blah.

Over the course of the last 6 months I definitely have observed this complementarity of husband and wife, mother and father.  I see how different the roles are.

Since having the Squeaker my life is 100% different.  There is not a single thing I can do whenever I want.  If I’m hungry, I can eat depending on if O is napping or if she is content in the Exersaucer for a while.  If I need to shower, it depends what mood O is in so that I can sneak away for a few minutes.  If I need to go to the bathroom in the middle of a trip to Target, well, I just have to hold it until we get home because I have not been able to figure out how to do this with O.  I don’t resent this (most days) because I know that this comes with being a mother.  My life is now tied to my baby because her survival and development depends on me. 

I really enjoy being a mother.  But motherhood really is all encompassing.  If she’s hungry, she looks to me.  If she’s crying, she looks to me.  If she’s sleepy, she looks to me.  If I want to go out with some girlfriends, I have to bring O with me or pump a bottle to leave with Kraft.  If I want a drink, I have to time it so that O won’t want to eat for a couple hours.  If I want to go shopping, I have to go in between O’s naps so she doesn’t melt down in the middle of the store.  If I want to cook, I have to cook in spurts when O’s in a good mood.  If I want to pick up any new hobbies or join any new clubs, well, all that stuff is on hold for a while unless it’s a mommy club.  Basically, my entire day revolves around O. 

Fatherhood, on the other hand, is totally different.  When Kraft wants to hang out with his friends, he does.  When Kraft needs to go to work, he does.  When Kraft needs to go to a Knights meeting, he does.  When Kraft needs to pick up his prescription from the pharmacy, he does.  When Kraft wants to get some air and get out of the house, he does.  When Kraft wants to drink a beer, he does.  When Kraft wants to run a half-marathon, he does.  When Kraft wants to become a 4th degree Knight, he does.

Sure Kraft’s life is different, but not in the same way.  He changed jobs and helps out with O but his life really is very much the same as before.  His life is not quite as affected as mine is.  Even Kraft’s sense of sacrifice and responsibility is different from mine.   

I wonder if this is the complementarity that I’ve been trying to figure out. 

When O wakes up crying at night, even if I’m exhausted, I’m up and tending to her.  When Kraft is exhausted he can’t do anything to keep himself awake. 

On the flipside, if O is teething, Kraft is already tying his shoes and ready to be out the door to get teething medicine.  I would instead just wait it out til morning. 

I don’t particularly enjoy doing laundry but I know it has to be done so I do it.  Getting Kraft to do an interpretative dance in the detergent aisle at HEB is more likely to happen than getting him to help with laundry. 

But Kraft notices when my car needs an oil change and promptly takes it to the mechanic.  If left up to me, Mickey (that’s my car – Mickey Montero) would probably run 10,000 miles without an oil change. 

I know the things I used to do with my free time, – like running or going for a drink with friends – my old “me” time activities, can’t really happen so I have to adapt.  Instead of going for a run, I try to take O for walks.  Instead of going out for a drink, I make play dates or have friends come over to watch Project Runway.  Kraft, on the other hand, has not really had to adapt his “me” time.  He still goes to guys’ nights, he signs up for half-marathons, he still goes to KoC meetings. 

But he does stay up late at night trying to figure out how to make my blog as pretty as I want it because I ask him to.  He’s been asking me to help him with organizing our finances for a while and I still have yet to do it. 

Although I sent them out super late, I still make sure to write thank you notes to people for important occasions.  Kraft has still not written the 16 thank you notes that I assigned him (out of 160) after our wedding. 

But he does make sure to send every one of his friends on Facebook a birthday note on their birthday.  I honestly can’t even  remember my best friends’ birthdays and usually think about them a couple months too late. 

I can tell you exactly where everything is in our home.  Where O’s little mittens are, where Kraft keeps his cufflinks, where the measuring tape is.  Kraft has to ask me where every single thing is.

But Kraft keeps the calendar and reminds of events we need to attend like birthday parties and such.

I know we need to keep working on finding a balance.  I think we need to find a way that I get some time to myself, at least once in a while.  I’ve been craving some alone time in the corner of a coffee shop with a big, piping mug of Chai latte and this laptop to work on some posts that have been swimming around my head for a while.  I also would really like to start running again.  I’m not dying to get this baby weight off but I would like to make some progress toward it.  I would like to go out with friends more.  I would like us to work more on our spirituality as a family.  More daily Masses, more praying, more celebrating saints’ feast days.

I love my family, though.  I love my daughter.  I love my husband.  Even now as I was working on this post he plugged a power cord in and cleared off the bed in our second bedroom so we could work on stuff in the same room.  He really does a lot for our family.  I guess I just want to feel like we’re more of a team.  Not just him working on his stuff and me working on home stuff.  But both of us working together.

Maybe I’m not any closer to being able to articulate what traits men and women have that complement one another but thank God me and Kraft have different strengths and weaknesses or else we’d have two broken down cars and no clean clothes.