Reflections

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Another way I like to think about Jesus’ Transfiguration is seeing people transformed in front of me.  I believe that the true identity of a person is what they would be like if they were perfect.  Not perfect as in perfect hair and makeup.  Perfect in the way Jesus was perfect.  True, none of us is perfect but we have to strive to this Jesus perfection and when we attain that (hopefully in heaven) that is our true self. 

When I catch people being selfless or showing love to others, that’s when I feel like I am watching that person’s transfiguration.  On a smaller level than Jesus shining bright as light but transfigured nonetheless.  Like today when I saw one of my old students giving the Eucharist to an old woman in the back of the church because she was unable to walk to the front – that was him transfigured before me for a second.  I know he isn’t always perfect, but in that moment he was Jesus in the love he showed the woman.

I felt that same way about New York this past week.  Kraft had to go to a Paulist thing so me and O tagged along so that I could visit one of my best friends, S.  I was totally floored by the hospitality that was shown to me and O.  Seriously.  Floored.  People took care of us everywhere we went in NYC.  I’ll blog about it more at length in the next few days but it was beautiful.  New York was transfigured in front of our eyes. 

While New York has its problems, we saw of glimpse of its perfection. 

Image by Lawrence OP via Flickr

Today’s Gospel reading (being the second Sunday of Lent) was the Transfiguration.  I have always loved this reading, even before I really had any idea what it meant theologically.  Since I was younger I just always loved the mental image of Jesus being transformed in front of the disciples.  Jesus becoming as bright as light.

I really loved Fr. Bill’s homily today.  He started with a story about Mother Teresa.  After her death, her spiritual director came out with a book about her spirituality.  Apparently when Mother Teresa was a young nun (in her 40s) she heard the voice of God telling her to go do something “beautiful”.  She literally heard the voice of God.  She described the feeling as being taken up to heaven for a split second.  She heard this 5 times in subsequent days and then she never heard it again.  We know now how much Mother Teresa struggled spiritually and how on her deathbed she did not feel the presence of God.  For the rest of her life she ached to hear the voice of God again.  But while she was experiencing this spiritual angst, she continued to follow God’s voice and do something “beautiful” which was to work with the dying, depressed, decrepit, disgusting, downtrodden.

Fr. Bill likened this to what the disciples saw in the Transfiguration.  For a second, Peter, John, and James saw Christ transformed as the King and Son of God that He is.  Up until this point they had seen miracles, they believed in Him, but this was proof they could see with their own eyes.  They were given a glimpse of heaven.  Peter babbled on about three tents because he wanted to stay there in that moment but Jesus said no.  They needed to move on to Jerusalem.  This was just a glimpse of the glory of Jesus.

Whenever we have these moments where we know we are hearing God’s voice or feel that we are truly in the presence of God our soul is filled with a feeling a wholeness and rest.  But as quickly as we feel this, it is gone in the next breath.  We can’t remain in that moment.  It’s heaven.  It’s the gift that we can hope God mercifully gives us at our death.  We’re not meant to always feel this but we can be grateful that God chooses to give us these little snippets of Love and we can remember them when we feel that God is absent in our lives or feel that God is not answering our prayers.  As Mother Teresa knew, our Christian hope keeps us from true misery.  Even is we feel God has abandoned us, we can trust fully and wholly that God is there. 

Today I was reminded that Lent is a time not just to make a sacrifice
for God but to make a meaningful sacrifice.  We should be transformed
in the next 40 days into a more perfect person.  Into a person who is
more like Christ.  Giving up chocolate is a difficult thing but how
does that prepare you for Easter?  I do believe that giving something
up can prepare you for Easter but it needs to be done very
intentionally.  Maybe everytime you reach for a Twix and remember you
can’t have it, you pray for someone you don’t particularly like.  After
40 days of this something will definitely have changed in you.  Of
course you don’t just have to give up something.  Fr. Jaime put it that
we need to do something that we find joy in and is life-giving.  Kraft
and I are still trying to decide what to do as a family during Lent but
in general we would like to be more intentional with our time.  Less
TV.  More prayer.  Less fast food.  More cooking.  Less criticism.  More confession.  Less negativity.  More love.

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Back
when I was at Notre Dame, I was so spoiled.  I remember being so
excited for Lent every year.  At Notre Dame it is so easy to really put
a lot of time into your spiritual life.  There’s a bajillion
Masses everyday.  Prayer services all the time.  A really great
community.  Beautiful prayer spaces.

I wish I was spiritually in a
place where I was excited for Lent again.  Instead, I had forgotten
today was Ash Wednesday until I was flipping through the channels on TV
and saw Joe Biden with ashes on his head.  I know I need to work on my
spiritual life when Joe Biden is what gets me thinking about Lent.
Well, that’s what Lent is for.  Improvement.  Spiritual improvement.
Soul boot camp.

Just a quick side story.  Possibly my favorite story
about my mom.  She has had bangs for as long as I can remember.
Bangs are pretty tricky for someone putting ashes on your forehead if
you don’t get them out of the way.  She never ran into any problems
with this until we moved to The Woodlands.  Fr. Domec is a no-nonsense
kind of guy so he’s not about to go moving people’s bangs out of
the way to get to their forehead.  So when my mom was up to get ashes,
he just put the cross on her nose.  My mom was mortified but she
couldn’t do anything about it.  She just had to walk around the rest of
the day with a smudgy cross on her nose.  Oh man, God sure does have a
sense of humor.  Rest assured every year after that my mom has pinned
back her bangs.

Happy Lent, friends.  May it be a fruitful one.

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The Squeaker received her very first ashes today.  She was so happy afterward smiling at everyone and laughing.  It was strange that I felt more emotion upon seeing her today than I did at her baptism.  I think it’s because there were so many logistics to worry about with the baptism and being the center of attention is always difficult. 

But today was different.  No one was watching us.  We weren’t up in front of everybody.  We were able to just be a family in the sea of sinners.  It was great.  I was so proud of O getting ashes.  I’m not sure why I felt such joy and pride when I saw her with a smudge on her forehead.  It’s just so beautiful that she is part of the Mystical Body of Christ.  Because she is a sinner she can also be redeemed.  Oh, our little sinner. 

While I was not as present to the Sacrament of her Baptism as I should have been, what I always love about baptisms and what always makes me cry whenever I attend them is the potential that the person carries for being marked by Christ.  That baptized person could do so much to build the Kingdom.  They could be the next Pope, Mother Teresa, Dorothy Day.  They could be a saint.  Maybe that’s what struck me about O tonight.  She is among us sinners now but she has such potential in her lifetime to recognize this sinfulness and do all she can for the glory of God.  She can work to beat hell just like the rest of us. 

May she become great, but great is God’s eyes and not necessarily great in society’s eyes.

Last Saturday during the homily Fr. Mike told us that St. Ignatius is getting serious about proactively encouraging vocations to the religious life.  Because of this, the vocations committee decided it would be a good idea to play the “Fishers of Men” video from the USCCB at Mass.

[Side Rant: Now I usually really hate it when priests do stuff like this during Mass.  Call me traditional but I just think a homily should be a priest talking to his congregation and helping illuminate the Word through his own words.  I’ve seen technology used in homilies before, like sound clips, videos, and powerpoints.  Most have been distracting and usually take a stretch to relate back to the readings.  I believe that there is definitely a need for creativity in homilies to reach all the people that go to church but creativity does not mean gimmicky which is what I think happens sometimes.]

All of this aside, this video is absolutely fantastic.  I showed it at the school retreats we had last year.  I think this is creatively reaching youth and showing them how amazing a call to the priesthood actually is.  So many people think that being a priest or brother or sister is a boring but this video really shows that it is anything but.

As I was sitting in this pew watching this, something that one of the priests said struck me.  “I get to live everyday in complete and total service to God.”  I remember I used to think this all the time when I worked at the Houston Catholic Worker house.  The work that is done there is just so obviously good and righteous and God’s work.  So I understand what this priest meantin the video.

What struck me though was that I had not told myself this in a long time.  It has been awhile since I have laid down to sleep at night and thought to myself that my day was in complete and total service to God.  I had forgotten that, no matter what I do in life, my work should be work for God.  This is what we are all called to regardless of our vocation.  My vocation is to be a mother and wife.  Although my days are now more “simple” when compared to my Catholic Worker days or my teaching days, my work should still be dedicated to working for God.  Or how Fr. Bill Wack likes to sign his emails: Working to beat hell.  Sure working in a clinic serving undocumented people is service to God but I need to see how playing airplane with the Squeaker as equally service to God.

So, as Lent is quickly sneaking up on us, one thing I am going to focus on is my vocation and how I can “beat hell” by loving my daughter and supporting my husband.