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Busted Halo: Intro

January 9, 2014 by Vanessa Leave a Comment

Every Thursday I post over at Busted Halo — a ministry of the Paulist Fathers — on a blog called La Lupe (I know, I know, pretty similar titles).

Our oldest daughter, Olivia, was born in 2009. I had decided to leave my job (after my first year of teaching) and stay at home with her. I knew a couple other mothers but most of our friends were unmarried and if they were married, didn’t have kids. We had no family in town. Brandon walalupelogos working in Campus Ministry and was always really busy. I was alone and isolated. I had this really strong desire to be a stay-at-home mom but it was slowly driving me insane. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t know that there were playgroups out there to find, or online forums, or mommy friends to be made, or even books that could help. It was just me and Olivia in our little condo day in and day out. I didn’t know to take her out to libraries or parks or on walks. That was never my experience as a child. I was always just thrown together with my cousins in a backyard and I had a great childhood.

Brandon could tell I was reaching a tipping point. He could tell I was not headed toward any place good. So he suggested wrbhlogoiting. Sure, why not. And that’s when V’s Voice (previous title of my little blog here) was born. I immediately loved it. It gave me a sense of myself again that I had begun to lose. It gave me something to work on outside of home.

Shortly after I started writing, Brandon went to a Paulist Convention (while I tagged along and hung around NYC with a good friend). It was here that he chatted with Busted Halo’s then editor-in-chief – Bill McGarvey. Bill mentioned that they were looking for someone Hispanic who knows their theology and can be relatable to the young adult crowd. Brandon had me send over some of the things I had written and La Lupe over at Busted Halo was born.

I am really happy to be over there still. Like I said, if I’m not being a total slacker, they post my stuff on Thursdays. As I am taking a few extra weeks off after the new year, I’ll link to this post that I wrote a while back: The Devil is Watching You

 

Filed Under: Busted Halo

Authentic Moments: Intro + Jim Gaffigan

January 8, 2014 by Vanessa Leave a Comment

We all have our things. Our little eccentricities that we squirrel away from others lest we come off as weird. A couple I know, on their kitchen wall, keeps a running list of all the pluralized compound nouns containing a noun and a postpositive adjective (I totally had to Google that). For example: heirs apparent, attorneys general, I think they even had Burgers King and Shiners Bock. 4072560067_12696ace29_nGod knows grammar is not my thing (I have no idea what a postpositive adjective is), but ever since I was little, one of my favorite things to do is to write down little moments I observed or read about throughout the day that really struck me. Things that gave me a glimpse inside a person’s character. A peek into their interior life. It happens around us all the time. People react, respond and we see what they are made of. So this is what an authentic moment is. Moments that show us a person’s humanity. Whether it be the virtue of the moment that strikes a cord or the vice, or the nerdiness, or the love, or the sadness, or even just the humor, these are moments of authenticity. Moments of truth. I’ll post new Authentics Moment Authentic Moments (AM) every week. Geez, I’ve got to do something with all those journals.

Authentic Moment #1:

A touching dedication from Jim Gaffigan to his wife in his book, Dad is Fat:

The image of Jeannie sitting at her computer turning my insane drivel into coherent essays while breastfeeding newborn Patrick will stay with me forever.

And just when you think he’s broken character:

She really has ended up being a fantastic first wife.

 

Filed Under: Authentic Moments

Forming Habits

January 7, 2014 by Vanessa Leave a Comment

Several months ago I wrote about a personal characteristic that makes my life hard. I have no idea how to develop a good habit. I have never in my whole life learned how to acquire a good and healthy habit. As a child I never made my bed, I never worked on my science project until the weekend before the fair, I never kept a planner. Now as an adult I don’t floss, I don’t exercise regularly, I don’t spend 15 minutes each night tidying up the house.  I never work on anything little by little. I’ve always gotten away with starting and finishing projects in one n8652397443_164bae8daf_bight. I’ve learned to deal with sleep deprivation.

But I hate this and the only way to be a successful adult and especially a successful mother is to create healthy habits and work on things a little at a time. I don’t have the luxury of hours of uninterrupted time. I can’t starve feed my kids or leave them to their own devices for the day. But I also feel helpless looking at the pile of habits a highly efficient adult needs that I don’t have an ounce of.

One comment I got on that post was:

I feel like I have lived my life the same way. I am having trouble pulling myself out of this pit.

That’s exactly it. I feel like I’m in a pit. I am stuck. I don’t know how to build a habit and as I have come to find, building a habit is slow, nonlinear progress that involves a whole lot more regress than I’d like to admit.

Being a Mexican mother means being a perfectionist. A relentless, unswerving, not even slightly ashamed perfectionist. If you are depending on me to do something for you, I am awesome. I would love to have ten of me to work on things because it would be done on time and it would be awesome. But if you are actual me it sucks. I kill myself to produce perfect things and my poor family gets the brunt of it. Especially Brandon, he gets drill-sergeant-me screaming at him to help.

Anyway, back to the comment. I am right there with you. Hearing that someone else struggled with this, too, made it easier to move on. What can I do to change? What can I do to learn patience with progress?

Well, that’s what I am trying to figure out. I spent 2013 playing around with different systems, figuring out how many things I could try to change at one time. Which meant I pretty much spent a year failing. A lot. At stupid things, too. Like finding myself incapable of brushing my teeth at night. But I have learned that habits are hard and I have learned that I cannot change a million things at once.

So here’s to 2014. Here’s to clawing my nails into the dirt to pull myself out of this hole. To try and figure out how to motivate myself and not hate myself. Because this is a work in progress. Life is a work in progress. I am a work in progress.

Filed Under: Forming Habits, Mi Vida

Welcome to Living La Lupe

January 6, 2014 by Vanessa 2 Comments

Back in college I was staring at a blank screen real hard willing it to start writing my final paper for my Liturgy and Feasts class. Of course the paper was due in a few hours and I had yet to start it. Ok, think, Vanessa, what feast can you write about quickly and with authority? Man, I really wish I had kept up with the reading for this course. As I frantically pushed ideas around my head, I looked at the framed image of Our Lady of Guadalupe that La Lupe (my grandma) had gifted me before starting college. Ugh, I thought, I don’t even know anything about this image that sits on my desk. It was at this moment that the Holy Spirit hit me upside the head with this revelation I’ve written about on Busted Halo. That moment changed me. I wasn’t a snotty grandchild anymore that rolled her eyes when her grandma repeated the same story about “Lupita” (how La Lupe refers to Our Lady of Guadalupe). I wasn’t a theology major that pitied my grandma’s simple and superstitous faith anymore. Instead, I saw her as a person of great worth and great wisdom.

La Lupe,  my abuelita, is the matriarch of our family who loves and admonishes with the same ferocity. While I naturally adopted some of her ways without noticing, I was not purposefully living the rich tradition she so desperately tries to pass on to us. I finally understood something one of my professors said:

Tradition is not wearing your grandmother’s hat, it‘s having a baby.

Ccoffeearrying on my family’s tradition does not happen by merely paying it lip service. Tradition does not happen because I sometimes carry around La Lupe’s handkerchief when I feel sentimental. Tradition does not happen when I put it into a box to remain pristine and untouched. Tradition is living it, breathing it, stretching it, giving birth to it in my own life, in my own way.  Just like my faith is so inherently part of me, I want what La Lupe has taught me to be such. Here’s my quest to learn and live what both Lupes try to teach me: the worth, the pain, and the beauty of our life as mothers. This is what I hope to chronicle in this blog — the long and slow, but usually funny road toward La Lupe and Lupita.  In the words of La Lupe when she wants to settle in to conversation,

Venga, venga, siéntate, tráete tu cafesito.

Come, come, have a seat, bring your coffee.

Filed Under: Mi Vida, Random

Tried and True: Some Essential Baby Gear

January 17, 2012 by Vanessa 4 Comments

A Sudden Boom in Parenting Magazines
Image by reinvented via Flickr

[This post will change over time.  I’d like to do a lot more with it so check back in a few weeks]

last updated 1/22/12

When we got pregnant with our first baby, we took the minimalist approach.  We don’t need all that stuff that Babies R’ Us tells us we need.  The swings, the monitors, the chairs, the clothes.  We don’t need any of that.  Our parents and grandparents did without all that stuff, so can we.  So we welcomed our beautiful baby girl with no monitor, no bouncer, no changing table.  We had the essentials – bottles, some breastfeeding gear, carseat, stroller, clothes – but not much else.  We didn’t even have a crib.  And that’s exactly the way we wanted it.

Then life happened.  That beautiful baby girl hated sleep.  And hated not being held every second of the day.  It took little time to convince us that we needed “stuff”.  Not every last thing out of a Parents magazine, but anything that would get us 5 more minutes of glorious, wondrous sleep or even just enough time to run to the bathroom to pee.

That is what I offer here.  What “stuff” made our lives a little easier.  What worked for us.  It might not work for you, but, hey, that’s what advice is.  Especially here on a blog, you can take it or leave it, and our poor friends now won’t have to listen to me droning on and on about why we chose a Moby over a Snugli.  I also hope this is helpful for friends who have no idea what to buy their pregnant friends.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby – Marc Weissbluth

As I said previously, our first baby was a H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E sleeper.  I was teetering on the brink of insanity I was so sleep deprived.  This book changed our life.  It saved our marriage, it saved me, it totally changed our life.  Trust me, I went through a million sleep books.  I tried the No-Cry Sleep Solution, Kim West, Happiest Baby on the Block, and endless web forums.  This one works.  It’s hard and you really have to commit to it and stick with it.  It took us about 6 months to get O’s sleeping on track but now she sleeps 11 hours straight at night and takes a 1.5 hour nap during the day regularly.  She’s 2.

The Birth Book – Dr. Sears

I also read a lot of books on birth.  For me this was just the right mix of hippy and mainstream info that I needed to know.

The Vaccine Book – Sears

Even if you never jumped on the vaccines-could-be-bad bandwagon, this is a very informative book that really all parents should read so that they know what they’re injecting their kids with.

Hungry Monkey – Matthew Amster-Burton

So funny and a great book for dads.  It includes some recipes but I just like the story about this guy and his daughter.  It’s not sappy.  Just witty and real.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding – La Leche League

If you are breastfeeding, this is a must-have reference book.  I didn’t read it cover to cover but when I have a question, it always has the answer.

Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Cosleeping – James McKenna

Co-sleeping seemed so second nature to me.  Probably because my parents co-slept with me so I just assumed that everyone did it.  We didn’t even buy a crib until Olivia was about 9 months old.  After having kids though, I’ve found that this is an extremely controversial subject with people on both sides completely convinced that the other side is a group of blubbering idiots.  I don’t think co-sleeping makes you a good or a bad parent, it just worked for us.  And it makes breastfeeding soooo much easier.  Or rather you’ll (the mom) get way more sleep doing it.  So if you’re thinking of co-sleeping, please read this book.  It teaches you everything you need to know to SAFELY co-sleep.

Lauren crib – Graco

Our girls are so close in age that we actually bought two of these.  They are very sturdy and look nice.  This crib is the least expensive crib we could find that fell into both those categories.

Breathable Bumpers

I think the biggest fear every mother has is that her baby will suffocate or stop breathing.  I feel like everything you read about babies somehow mentions how they could die from suffocation.  So of course when I heard about those pillow-y bumpers being dangerous, these seemed an obvious alternative.  You really do need bumpers because newborns have this uncanny ability to never move but the second you’re not looking get a leg stuck through the crib slats.  Just buy these.  Once less scenario of how-can-my-baby-die-if-I’m-not-staring-at-them that has to run through your head.

Sleep Sheep

Seems stupid but we have used this everyday since we bought it.  We still use it.

Nosefrida

This is one of the most useful things you will ever buy.  It is completely assured that one day your baby will have such a stuffy nose that you will have to suck out their boogers.  This works way better than those bulb syringe things.  I could never get the hang of those.  Babies don’t like this, but it is very effective.  Just spray some saline drops in each nostril and suck those pesky boogers out.

Itzbeen

This was only useful for us for the first 6 weeks or so.  But during those first 6 weeks, you’re so groggy from lack of sleep that it may seem like you just changed the baby’s diaper an hour ago and it was actually 5 hours ago.  This just helps you keep track of all that.

Exersaucer

All babies love these.  All of them.  And you’ll need a place to put them while you scarf down a quick bowl of cereal so just buy it.  Trust me, those 2 minutes of not holding the baby make a big difference.

Changing Table

We did without one for about 18 months.  Then we gave in and got one.  I wouldn’t say it’s a necessity.  You can change a baby on the floor or on a bed but a changing table is mighty convenient and saves your back from bending over so much.

Aden + Anais blankets

Again, this is mostly an item to keep you from envisioning your baby suffocating because the blanket somehow covered the baby’s head.  They’re so thin, that even if they did cover the baby’s head, the baby would have no problem breathing through it.  One less thing to worry about.  They are my favorite blankets and, really, the only ones I use.

Medela Harmony Breast Pump

It’s a handheld pump.  Since I stayed home with the girls, I only pumped a bottle once in a long while and it worked fine enough.  Pumping is terrible and you’ll never grow to like it but this one was fine enough.

My Brest Friend

My first baby, along with being a horrible sleeper, was really bad at breastfeeding.  It took about 3 months to finally get the hang of it.  This pillow made all the difference.  At first I tried a Boppy which works for a lot of people.  But if you struggle with breastfeeding, you should get this pillow.  It just made my life better.  It was more comfortable and stable.  I didn’t have to worry about it sliding and messing up O’s latch which probably had taken me 5 attempts to get just right.

Lanolin

No matter how good at breastfeeding your baby is, your nipples will get sore.  Use this.  It really does make you feel better.

Washable Breast pads

Throw-away breast pads were fine in a pinch but these were way more comfortable.

Breastfeeding cover

I held out buying one for a long time because I thought a blanket could do the same thing.  Wrong.  Eventually you’re little one will start squirming and pulling, thus, inevitably, pulling a blanket down just as a stranger has stopped to comment on what cute little feet your baby has.  A breastfeeding cover just ensures that your baby can never wriggle in a way that exposes you to the world when you don’t want that.

Diaper Dekor pail

We also fought this purchase for a long time.  But eventually we got tired of walking down to the dumpster every half day.  This works really well at keeping in the smell.

Baby Bjorn bib

This is the only bib you have to buy.  Seriously.  You won’t need any other food bib whatsoever.

Video monitor with night vision

No matter how much you fight it.  At some point you’re going to have to let your kid cry in their room.  When this time comes, you will praise God for this invention.  This stops you from going into your baby’s room every 5 minutes to make sure they are still breathing or to make sure they haven’t gotten their head stuck through the crib slats.

Rocking chair

A must-have.  Start saving now; they aren’t cheap.  We bought a cheap Cracker Barrel rocking chair at first.  What a waste of money.  Just get a good quality glider.  I think I’ve spent more time in that thing over the last two years than anything else, including my bed.

Sandy’s Shoes

This is for when the baby gets older and is needing good shoes.  This is a little local store that is wonderful.  Really great customer service and you never have to worry about buying bad shoes.  All their shoes are great for kids.  They also have a great collection of toys.

Pacifier clip

Neither of our kids took to using pacifiers but these pacifier clips work great of things other than pacifiers.  Babies love to throw things on the floor so just attach their favorite stuffed animal or sippy cup of whatever with these things and you won’t have to worry about it falling on some gross restaurant floor.

Beaba food maker

Probably the funniest realization I had while preparing for baby #1 is that I could make baby food.  I thought all babies had to eat the jarred stuff because it had something special for them.  This food maker is not a necessity but if you’re planning on making your own baby food it makes it really easy and saves different pots and pans and blenders from washing.

Little Partners Learning Tower

Best. Invention. In. The. World.  When O got older we would get into so many fights because she wanted to see what I was cooking or because she wanted to see what was on the counter.  This ended all those fights.  And you don’t have to worry about them falling off a bar stool and breaking their arm (that actually happened to some friends of ours).

Moby

This is the first baby carrier I used.  O loved it and I carried her in it for about a week straight when we visited New York and just walked all day.  I like it in the winter.  In the summer, it’s a lot of fabric and gets really hot.

Baby Bjorn

Lina hated the Moby since day one.  We bought this second hand and Brandon loves to use it.  It’s more masculine than the Moby.  I never liked it.  It always hurt my back but probably because it is set for Brandon’s height.

Amazon Mom

We get our diapers, formula, and wipies through this.  We have saved a ton of money and we never have to deal with running out of this stuff because it just shows up on our doorstep.

Cart cover

You don’t want your kid sucking on the HEB shopping carts or the Kerbey Lane high chairs.  It just makes me feel better.

Prenatal yoga – Yoga Yoga – Alice Duffy

This is probably the best advice I could give you.  People have told me in the past that they aren’t “yoga people”.  Uh, honey, neither am I.  I’m the most awkward, clumsy person you’ll meet but this makes a big difference.  It’s not like you can run while you’re pregnant or do kickboxing or anything.  This makes all these really important birthing muscles strong.  I took prenatal yoga at Yoga Yoga starting at about 24 weeks.  I tried out a bunch of different teachers but Alice Duffy was by far my favorite.  Her classes are always packed.  I went to prenatal yoga twice a week for my first pregnancy and then 0 times a week with my second.  In labor and birth it made a big difference.  With my second baby I wasn’t as strong and I could tell while laboring my legs got a lot more tired and pushing was harder because I just wasn’t in shape the way yoga makes you in shape.  Just try it out a couple of times.  If anything, it’s just nice to stretch and move with a bunch of other pregnant women.

Diaper bags – Not these: Columbia Trekster bag, Skip Hop bag

I don’t have a good suggestion about a diaper bag.  We never found one that worked great for us.  We just eventually settled on something that works, kinda.  But we did get these two bags and they definitely didn’t work for us.  The Columbia bag was a weird shape and didn’t hold that many things as a result.  And the Skip Hop bag didn’t have zippers for all the middle pockets which means if you had the bag and and bent over to pick up your little one, stuff would fall out.  Whatever bag you buy, just make sure every compartment zips.

PLAN toys

Enviromentally sound and wonderful.  Great gift-giving presents.

Dirt Devil Gator 10.8V

I bought this thinking I could use it for the stairs.  That didn’t work, it doesn’t have enough suction for that but what I did find was that it is perfect for sucking up the piles of stuff after you sweep. We have to sweep a lot because the little one eats everything she can find on the floor.  This makes after-sweeping so easy.

Shark Steam mop

If you have hardwood floors, you’ll want to get this.  You won’t have to worry about using chemicals or cleaners to clean the floor.

Playtex Coolster Tumbler Sippy Cup

My daughter had this cup and a speech therapist that works with infants came up to us and praised us for using the perfect sippy cup.  I faked a knowing head nod and thanked God for leading me to pick the shiny purple cup over Dora.  A total accident that we bought this, but hey, if speech therapists like it, so do I.

Of course, in the end, you don’t NEED all this stuff.  People have raised kids for centuries without anything.  But it does make life a bit easier.  But don’t freak out, you won’t need all this stuff before the baby comes.  You’ll piece it together as months and years go on.  And if you register for all this stuff, you’ll probably get a lot of it at baby showers.  We got a lot of this gear as gifts.

The best thing in the end you can do for your baby is to be physically and mentally prepared for the adventure.  Good luck!

 

Filed Under: Gift Ideas Tagged With: baby gear, baby registry, Breastfeeding, Co-sleeping, essential baby gear, Infant, Kim West, La Leche League International, Marc Weissbluth, Parenting, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (La Leche League International Book), top ten baby stuff, what to buy for a baby shower, what to register for, what you'll need for a baby

Hi Ho Hi Ho

August 2, 2011 by Vanessa 2 Comments

Bakula vs. Schwartz: Trivia Challenge
Image by barrettmanor via Flickr

Started work this week.  I love my job.  I do.  It is my dream job.  Problem is, I still want to be home with the Squeaker and Chubs more than my dream job.  But that’s life.  Lots of people would prefer to be home with their kids and can’t be because of financial reasons.  I understand that plight now.  My job provides us a steady income.  No commissions to mess with.  And I get maternity care on their insurance should I need that again.

But on Monday I cried.  A lot.  I woke up and held Chubs and cried.  I went and got the Squeaker out of her crib when she woke up and cried.  I fed Chubs and put her down to nap and cried.  I said goodbye to the Squeaker and cried.  But I got it together put on my brave face and walked into work with not a shadow of a quivering lip.

Then I went upstairs to talk to the HR person about insurance and how much it would cost to put the fam on my insurance — you know, since the insurance was a big part of taking the job.  $100 more than what we are paying now.  Wait, what?  It used to be much less.  Oh, rates went up last year?  Oh, my take home pay will be roughly equal to what Brandon was making?  Oh, my husband just quit his job so I could take this one and we are pretty much in the exact same place?  Oh, all those plans we made to use and save the extra money I was going to be making are now for nothing?  One tear rolled down my cheek.  Then another.  I couldn’t stop them.  I was proud that I stopped myself just short of blubbering.  But I did it.  I cried at work.  And our HR person gently told me she understood and to go ahead and cry.  So I did.  For a good five minutes.

So instead of thinking about it more and feeling terrible, I’m going to compile a list.  Because I can control lists.  This list is 10 things that are worse than having to leave your kids at home because you have to work:

10) Having to sleep train your kid.
9) Having to watch episodes of Star Trek with Scott Bakula.
8) Having to get through mile 18 of a marathon.
7) Having to watch a Katie Perry interview.
6) Having to watch the Bachelorette.
5) Having to deal with your kid who decides to put her hand down her diaper that is full of poo.
4) Getting a sunburn and your nose being the only part the peels.
3) Accidentally eating the tripe in menudo.
2) Having no way to support your family.
1) Having no Squeaker or Chubs to support.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Mi Vida, Outside the Home

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