Started work this week. I love my job. I do. It is my dream job. Problem is, I still want to be home with the Squeaker and Chubs more than my dream job. But that’s life. Lots of people would prefer to be home with their kids and can’t be because of financial reasons. I understand that plight now. My job provides us a steady income. No commissions to mess with. And I get maternity care on their insurance should I need that again.
But on Monday I cried. A lot. I woke up and held Chubs and cried. I went and got the Squeaker out of her crib when she woke up and cried. I fed Chubs and put her down to nap and cried. I said goodbye to the Squeaker and cried. But I got it together put on my brave face and walked into work with not a shadow of a quivering lip.
Then I went upstairs to talk to the HR person about insurance and how much it would cost to put the fam on my insurance — you know, since the insurance was a big part of taking the job. $100 more than what we are paying now. Wait, what? It used to be much less. Oh, rates went up last year? Oh, my take home pay will be roughly equal to what Brandon was making? Oh, my husband just quit his job so I could take this one and we are pretty much in the exact same place? Oh, all those plans we made to use and save the extra money I was going to be making are now for nothing? One tear rolled down my cheek. Then another. I couldn’t stop them. I was proud that I stopped myself just short of blubbering. But I did it. I cried at work. And our HR person gently told me she understood and to go ahead and cry. So I did. For a good five minutes.
So instead of thinking about it more and feeling terrible, I’m going to compile a list. Because I can control lists. This list is 10 things that are worse than having to leave your kids at home because you have to work:
10) Having to sleep train your kid.
9) Having to watch episodes of Star Trek with Scott Bakula.
8) Having to get through mile 18 of a marathon.
7) Having to watch a Katie Perry interview.
6) Having to watch the Bachelorette.
5) Having to deal with your kid who decides to put her hand down her diaper that is full of poo.
4) Getting a sunburn and your nose being the only part the peels.
3) Accidentally eating the tripe in menudo.
2) Having no way to support your family.
1) Having no Squeaker or Chubs to support.