It’ll be better when…

I feel like I always am telling myself, “It’ll be better when blah blah blah.”  I remember thinking in high school – life will be easier when these college apps are done.  In college – life will be better when I finally finish this paper.  In Houston – Our relationship will be stronger when I move to Austin.  In Austin – It’ll be better when we are engaged.  Engaged – Life will slow down as soon as the wedding is over.  Married – Our relationship will be better once I get this first year of teaching under my belt.  Pregnant – I’ll feel so much better after the baby’s born and no more nausea and restlessness. 

Then Olivia was born and I caught myself doing the same thing.  Having a baby is wonderful and has added so much meaning to our lives but absolutely everything is different and, honestly, more complicated.  Sleeping is harder, running to the groceries for milk is harder, going to a restaurant is harder, taking a shower is harder, cooking is harder, cleaning is harder, everything is harder.  The first months of O’s life I remember thinking, ok, sleeping will better when…no, sleeping will never be the same again.  It’ll never be “easy” again. 

I can’t keep thinking things will get better or easier because there is always going to be something challenging in life.  O has really taught me to enjoy things in the moment because there is plenty to be thankful about at present.  Sure things aren’t perfect but I can’t keep expecting perfect to come around the corner.  Life is pretty darn wonderful not being perfect.  Olivia is the absolute most difficult and challenging thing that has happened to us but me and Kraft are constantly talking about how meaningful our life seems now.  Cliche, I know, but she really does give us direction and purpose.  We had direction and purpose before but it was easy to get lazy and put things off. 

So here’s to things being the best they can be now and living in the challenge.